i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
