I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
