dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
