I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
