I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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