I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
