12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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