they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
