The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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