It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Help. Why am I so naked?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
