Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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