yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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