I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
