Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I stole a fireplace last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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