so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I will be naked everywhere
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
