...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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