The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you made out with another girl for some wings
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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