So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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