i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
