You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
