Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
