no, he came in my armpit
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
