um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
