i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So many bounce houses so little time
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
