The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
