My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize