I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
