Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
