well I can't set my house on fire every night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
