her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
