My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
