my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
