I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
