i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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