I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
