My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
