I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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