If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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