i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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