then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
