I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
