I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
