Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
