so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
