If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
