She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
