Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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