I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
