What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
