Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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