He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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