I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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