Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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