Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
