Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
