I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
