I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
