I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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