8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
