I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
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yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
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We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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