Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
