don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
