I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
