The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
