my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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