how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
