I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
