I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
