i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
