I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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