It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There's always time for handjobs
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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