If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
