It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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