I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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