I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
